pain and light

Tanja. Drowning in noise from my niece and nephew as I write here and think of you... Their gorgeous spirited newness and brilliant ignorance of this pain is such a good reminder that we must push on...nothing like kids for that perspective. I will hold you close as I move onwards and forwards into the future not moving away from you, just along and with you in me.. this being just the first of so many loaded days in every year. I'm thinking of all your lovely friends across the world and your family as they navigate the next hours. Your beauty is still vivid as ever and thats the only thing I can be glad for.... the strength of your presence still, like you will still walk into the room after 365 days of trying to remember that you won't. love you and miss you. such pain today. x