Each Day a New Beginning

You are there...... you are every where. I know you want to say something. Maybe I gotta listen a little harder, right to the center of my heart. Thats where you are. You never left and I never forgot and never will. Such small things are the beauty in your eyes. Those exquisite green emeralds. I can see them now....feel them watching in the moonlight.
It's so thrilling that so many new beginnings are created with the essence of your life.
Thank you for reminding me tonight.

Sol i send you infinite love. Always there....never far.

Construct crew....the brave hearts who share one voice and vision. Embrace the difference and dance like there is no tomorrow.

All my love
Mooma xxx

build anew

we start rehearsals monday and construct again.
Your knife edge clarity is missed, I will be losing me in you again trying to keep the voice strong, Thank heavens for Kris and Paul. Mattana is here, perfect sister cool and ready. She is here to be perfect her.
I just wish you could be with us at the Oaks for our beer and barbie styles. I know I cant go partying and scotch sampling girly style like you.
big pop ons to you sweetness.
anytime, anything xxxx

Hey Babe,
You should have seen the place in Adelaide a few Fridays ago.
Smiles, Tears, Laughter, Singing, Silence.
A place to sit with you, to talk with you, to find that inspiration you give so freely.
We watched you grace the screen once again and once again the tears flowed freely down my face. It took with them some of that pain I had inside, pain that I had not forgotten but had simply shelved behind other emotions.
You can't get away from me my darling friend. I feel close to you. If I close my eyes and hold out my hand you might just take it... And I wish you would.
Lisa and I are going for it... we put in our application to create a new work... Sol gave us his precious time and helped us so much with the application. He even opened our eyes more to what we are creating and why. You should have seen his eyes. They lit up with excitement. His passion is so inspiring. He is a gem... no wonder you were flying...
I love you Tanja.
We miss you so much!

Adelaide style

A truly magic place. A beautiful bench from John Leathart with a pink flowering gum to grow with our memories, sit outside the green room at Adelaide Festival Centre and take a moment. Thankyou to the special Adelaide team. Put on your red shoes and dance

birthday babe

our season of the year little one.
x

Happy Birthday!!!

Dearest Tanja,
thoughts of you flowed through the entire day on Saturday, happy birthday funny girl!!!! My little sweetie touched my shoulder as I cried, her eyes wide and soft.

Happy birthday dear one we toast your day, we drink with sadness but also with delicious memories.... one being that catch up night in London. I am not sure if I ever told you but Christian and I had just found out for sure that I was pregnant with Grace by doing a third (!!!) pregancy test in the toilet just before you turned up!!!! That was the silly grin on our faces. And then you guys arrived and we drank to art, life and being in Europe. Delicious memories.

Happy Birthday Dear Tanja, happy birthday!

Love Helen, Christian and Grace

30 times infinity more

hey sweetness well we missed you but did it in huge liedtke family style, the bosch orchestra and choir had me in tears with Mozarts requiem, the huge splendorous church filled with half of spain and germany all filled with your childhood magic in their eyes. You so should have been there you nonger, thanks for sending me in your place! Still I worked on finger turns with Tahlia who it seems is set on being a singer and dancer and sure didnt mind the spotlight of a pressage in amongst the entire crowd, yes your boy was being outrageous again but hey if you wil leave me on my own!!
Happy birthday beautiful, got me here crying again. I love you I love You I love you please just come on home soon I dont like it without you. Lets make spoons. kisses galore on your soft cheeks till then seeya soon sexy one xxxxxlove infinity ulli

30 years today...
You were born...
30 years this world had the pleasure of you...
Today I had your picture in my hand and Kristina sent me a birthday message...
I was so angry that I almost couldn't breath.. but the image of you stopped me completely and I made a birthday wish... I can't wait for the moment when I see you standing in your addidas suit with your arms open wide and a smile on your face.
We celebrate you with our love, with our memories and with a group of people standing hand in hand...
Tomorrow we have a drink for you...
I love you dear friend and still feel you will walk into my life with a cheeky grin and a crazy story...
30 + more we wanted...
I love you Tanja...
Happy Birthday

30 today

My sweet precious friend for life, I just wanted to wish you a Happy 30th Birthday. I am so sad. I still can not believe that this is real. I wanted to grow old with you. It's just so crazy. I miss you so much. You were so young. You will be eternally young. I love you

pablo

If only Tanja could respond herself to all of you wonderful people, whose hearts are filled with so much warmth, compassion, and the joy knowing her. You have all given her a new stage in the corridors of your memories and the platform of your hearts. I would like to bring to you all a poem by Pablo Neruda – one of the most beautiful love poems ever written. I am forwarding it for Tanja, hoping that it is alright with her.

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

tribute

Tomorrow we celebrate your life. It's still completely unreal so I have been fine now for some time, although I have no idea how our tribute will affect me. you are so vivid still. It's kind of like we are playing at all this and I'm ready for you to come back now. I have you in my ear now...'no, dont write that, put this..., no, thats not me, sounds silly' etc. It's turning to Autumn now, outside and inside me.. as the reality slowly sets in after a loud summer. I wonder what you would want me to do tomorrow, what to say to everyone, how can we create some kind of phoenix from the situation... strength, courage, compassion and an renewed curiosity in places, things, ultimately people.. strangers and loved ones.
I feel supported and encouraged by you every day. I miss you x

A tear for you

Tanja
Today I cried for you. I haven't in a while.
I turned 30 on Friday and as expected we had a pretty big bash. It was fun. But you were missing.
Today I got a package from my Paul from London. In it was a DVD he had made for me.
It had many beautiful and wonderful people in it, and for a moment all there was was a lit candle in the dark and very softly and slowly your name appeared from the darkness. Thoughts of you came flooding in like images of photos in a flick book. I cried for you and I remembered you. I smiled and loved you like I always have and always will.
Babe I'm creating a new work with Lisa now!.... I never thought that would happen.... You just wont stop inspiring us will you.... Somehow you are in every movement... Thanks my friend.
You guide me everyday you know....
I miss you
Craig xxx

from... Mariane Grebner

It was good to know you
Too short, but lively, true,
Beautiful like a summer breeze,
Great memory that will not cease.
It is so hard to lez you go.
We miss you but still feel your flow
Of inspiration, strength, joy,art.
You will be always in my heart.
We cry the tears we cannot hide.
Your soul still dances by our side.

4 weeks

so nearly 4 weeks and she continues to hide around every single corner catching me out like little twigs catching loose threads in my jumper which starts the sorrowful process of inevitable unravelling, feels like it will just continue disintegrating unwinding off me till I stand naked in tears with goose bumps and anger.

She is too precious to lose and way too hard to let go. cant we bundle each other up for snuggles. hold your loved ones tight till you cannot last a moment without another breath.

I believe in poetry now my god. I share this thankyou justine

you have closed your eyes

A night is born
full of hidden wounds,

of dead sounds
as of corks
when the nets are let down to the water

Your hands become a breath
of inviolable distances,
slippery as thoughts,

And that equivocation of the moon
and that gentlest rocking,

if you would lay them on my eyes,
touch the soul.

You are the woman who passes by like a leaf

leaving an autumn fire in the trees.

(Stanley Kunitz's Meditations on Death)

The way she was.... from Boris Liedtke

There were a lot of press reports when Tanja was appointed artistic director of the Sydney Dance Company – most of them talking about Tanja’s new vision and the courageous move by the board to appoint such a young and relatively inexperienced person to the position.

While Tanja was indeed young, she was certainly not inexperienced. In fact as an older brother, I recall her first role as an artistic director and general manager of a dance company at the age of six. “Age six, you might say – that is below the legal working age.”

Let me elaborate …

Patrick, Tanja and I grew up in a household where our father administered our weekly pocket money like a pay check in a company. Our allowance, while generous, was pretty much all we got to spend and if we wanted to have more, we had to be creative. Washing cars and cutting the lawn gave us a little extra but it was hard work and it soon became our dream to combine the work with something that was actually fun to do.

Patrick and I hit on the idea of organising slot car races between the two of us and charge our parents for watching little plastic cars race around the track in the living room. Needless to say that the novelty wore of sooner than we had hoped for and after the third race, the audience stayed away and the idea was abandoned.

Well, it did not take long before our 6-year old sister Tanja picked up on the idea and perfected it. Instead of slot car races, she reached out to her friends in the neighbourhood and choreographed little drama and dance performances. For days, kids between the ages of 4 and 10 came to our home for rehearsals. Being business minded, she not only invited our mum and dad but instead reached out to every parent of any kid in the play and pre-sold them tickets for the show and trust me, there were as many performers in those shows as kids in the neighbourhood. No one was left out because that is just the way she was.

On show day, our house was full of parents and kids and then Tanja would get her team ready, tell the grown-ups to sit down and order the performers around the little make-shift stage. Everything had to work like clockwork to satisfy her drive for perfection because that is just the way she was.

The shows were almost always a success apart from perhaps the odd forgotten line by a 3-year old actor or a wrong dance turn by a six-year old dancer. Tanja probably made more money in her first show than my brother and I ever made from slot car races. I was never crossed with her from taking our idea and perfecting it. To the contrary, I was happily spending my own hard-earned pocket money to see my little sister’s show.

Come to think of it, I never asked her what she did with all the money from those tickets. Though knowing her, she must have split it all up and distributed it to her performers and helpers starting with the very youngest because that is just the way she was.

"Hopes struck down – Dreams re-Construct-ed"...from the Liedtke family

We, the friends and family, will remember a 10-month old Tanja standing on her little stumpy legs for the first time. The arts world will remember her dancing on stage with those same legs, now long and slender.
We will remember a one-year old birthday child with curly brown hair holding a little coloured ball between her fingers. The arts world will remember those same long limbs gracefully moving through the air describing her vision for the next scene.
We will remember a lively six-year old directing her friends to private shows at home. The world will remember her brilliant choreography of understandable modern dance performances.
And all of us could leave it at that – memories of the past, pictures from by-gone years, articles about her success and tragic death in fading newspapers - hopes of what might have been.

Or we could take those pieces and reconstruct new dreams into a world without Tanja, the person, but a world reflecting her vision.

For Tanja, Modern dance was meant for all of us. It was to communicate a message, which the casual theatregoer could understand. In her early pieces, such as “Forever You”, the topics were of love and relationships. As she matured, the messages became statements, bolder almost forceful. First in the highly acclaimed “Twelfth Floor” where she analysed group behaviour in a closed space. Followed by “Construct” where she spoke about building and destruction of career, home and family. Her next piece would have tackled the environment. Seeking inspiration for this piece, she attended Bangarra Dance Theatre performing “True Stories” at the Opera House. Returning late and full of new ideas, she turned to her usual place for reflection. Walking along the dark and abandoned streets of her favourite city, Sydney, her mind was integrating those ideas into her vision for an understandable yet complex piece on the environment. Perhaps fate, perhaps consciously wanting to connect to her professional beginnings in Australia, her steps were leading her towards the studio where she trained with her admired teacher – Tanya Pearson. Here, her vision ended.

We dream that the dance world takes this vision around the world and reconstructs it in her name.

For us, family and friends, we will take her patience, generosity and love to pass it to the next generation as best we can so that they can dream as much of Tanja as we had hoped for.

Please join us to celebrate the life and work of Tanja Liedtke at Toynbee Studios, London, on Sunday 30th September.

The gathering will commence at 2pm with drinks in the Arts Bar and Café
followed by a film presentation of Tanja’s work at 3pm in the theatre.
 
RSVP email: dv8@artsadmin.co.uk or tel: 020 7655 0977
 
Please pass this invitation to those you know who would benefit from this opportunity to remember Tanja.
Toynbee Studios, 28 Commercial Street, London, E1 6AB 


From Blanca

Sabes, Tanja? La Tanja que yo recuerdo y llevo en mi corazón es muy distinta y, a la vez, muy similar a la que encuentro reflejada en esta página de amor y cariño. Como bien sabes, la Tanja que llevo conmigo es una Tanja niña, si bien ya dejaba ver la gran mujer en la que te convertirías.

Como todos dicen, eras alegre, positiva, divertida, cariñosa y, sobre todo, inteligente. Exigente contigo misma y consciente de que eras capaz de dar lo mejor de ti siempre.

Pero lo que no saben, y este es el privilegio y el honor que yo guardo por haber compartido la infancia contigo, es que, además, eras una niña generosa, inquieta, de sonrisa enorme, deseosa de vivir y explorar la vida al máximo, que odiaba sus pecas y se reía como loca cada vez que yo me montaba en un caballo.

Te acuerdas de nuestros veranos en Escocia? Y de las tardes en las que jugábamos a detectives en mi casa? Y de nuestras clases de piano? Y de Pepelico y Pepelica? Y de la primera vez que te fui a ver bailar con el traje rosa y blanco que te había hecho tu madre?

Sé que te acuerdas porque lo estuvimos recordando la última vez que te ví en Madrid. Cómo nos reimos!!! Parecía que los años no habían pasado y que habíamos estado juntas siempre. Fue mágico.

Tanja, hace muchos años se me rompió el corazón cuando te marchaste a Inglaterra pero se curó porque tú eras feliz y hacías lo que más amabas. Ahora, no sólo es el mío; son muchos los corazones que se han roto y que jamás podrán sanar pues el hueco que nos dejas no podrá llenarse hasta que nos volvamos a encontrar.

Tanja, contigo se va mi infancia, pero has de saber que la tuya yo la guardo.

Estés donde estés, sigue bailando. Sigue bailando y riendo porque así cuando te vuelva a encontrar podré decir: ‘Sigue siendo mi Tanja”.

Tanja, brilliant, extraordinary you. Thank you for coming to me in that dream the night before I went to Sydney; of course it was you, even if you were being a coy schoolgirl.

'He is collecting her, scooping up the crumbs that fall from her mouth, clutching at them, cradling them, holding them up to look at them, minutely inspecting them, treasuring them, putting them into wildly ornate frames of desire and hope, encapsulating them in precious metal boxes and cabinets studded with jewels like some mouldering flake of bone declared a Catholic relic; something to be venerated, worshipped through its association, its alleged provenance.'

We all miss you. x

Remembering Tanja.

I remember the first time I met Tanja, we were the only two new girls arriving later on in the Summer term at Elmhurst, she was even longer and thinner than me, which I liked! We were both pretty bemused by boarding school ways- the form B.F's, the pash's/lettes the quiz, eggo, divine....but soon enough we became accustomed to it all and were new no longer. Infact, Tanja was at the forfront of most dormitory quirks I seem to remember!
I became was very very fond of her, as well as being bubbly and funny and multi-lingual, she was principalled and knew her own mind, two rare qualities, especially for someone so young. Her passion for life was furious and she was positive in every situation...as a reflection, this incedible individual carved exceptional life experiences and accomplishments, and she's been in my thoughts every day since I heard the news. And I'm sending Kurt and Gelanda, Sol, Theo and all that know and love her all my love and thoughts during this very sad time. Annabelle. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LONDON GATHERING IN THE PLANNING TO REMEMBER THIS LITTLE ANGEL...watch this space x

You were always so kind to me, Tanja. Particularly as that wonderful year at Rambert drew to a sad close; when everything changed. You saved Theo and I from that squalid little student house where we were squatting without warm water; even the electricity got cut at some point. I remember laughing about it on your sofa in your cute flat in London, gorging on cookies and tea. What luxury.

Indeed it was you that drove me to Heathrow when my time was up and I had to return home. It was you who helped me repack my bags which were, of course, overweight, saving me from an unpayable fee. It was your arms that held me as I bid it all goodbye. So generous, so understanding. That was the last time I saw you...

Dear one, how very unfair!
To your Loved Ones my warmest wishes... she was amazing!
And indeed to you too...

lanterns

Here is a pic of the sky lanterns we sent off here in Brighton with wishes for Tanja and for our own futures.

My big day! thought some of you might like to see a moment of sheer joy at this time. sending love x theo

SIEMPRE EN MI RECUERDO

¡Hola Tanja, querida amiga!
No se como empezar este recordatorio...
Me invade la nostalgia al recordar los momentos vividos...
Un escalofrio me recorre el cuerpo...
Quisiera que fuera un sueño...
Pero es realidad...
Ya no estas, te has ido!!!
Cierro mis ojos y te veo...
llena de alegria...
de energia...
de vida...
Asi es como siempre te recordare!!!!!
Seguro que mi amor y cariño te llegara estes donde estes, porque siempre estaras conmigo.

XOXOXOXOXOXO...

smoking

and to think of the hard time she gave me about smoking and here is all this evidence, gorgeous photos captured in the act, confessions from sascha.
How did she manage to remain looking so sweet and innocent, the cheeky devil. God she was good.
We had a tribute that cut me to shreds and amazing to see the Sydney Opera House packed with friends and dear ones.
Thankyou magic team who gave all to give her voice.
We smoke and drunk ridiculously and have now today honoured our promise to give up in her name.

Even now she is getting me, but cheeky or otherwise I love the iron rod of strength she brings to me, wish to have just one more touch. Love you baby, come on lets slow dance around the kitchen just ONE more time again.
xxxxx

Tanja the student and my Wedding... today!

I just had to post this as it's so, so beautiful.... sent to me today by Ainhoa. Its from Rambert School in 1996......
I married Ben today!! the sun shone full pelt all day and its was simply glorious. Loved ones sat in a circle for the village Hall ceremony. We had filled the space with white and green flowers and white bunting. We started with a tribute to Tanja. everyone had a candle and we lit each one... candle to candle...sharing the flame. Once complete, we held a silence for her and on blowing out, retained the memory of that flame inside each of us burning brightly. It was beautiful. she was so present in my heart. Ben and I managed to have a day of joy and everyone stood to read, sing, and share thoughts with awe-inspiring open heartedness and clarity (photo to follow) xxxx I will be thinking of each of you on Monday in Sydney and wish you so much courage and the ability to be light hearted between the dark moments, such an amazing virtue of our dear dear friend. x

Tanja

Not long after first meeting Tanja she had me laying down with an ear candle protruding from the side of my head. She wasted no time in her life. She was and will remain a force of nature.

Many passing moments of every day are devoted to thinking of Sol, Theo, friends too numerous to mention and of course Tanja's family.

Kyle.

Tanja,
thought about you again last night and this morning and many times between, a thought that traps all the others away.
I think of watching you walking down the street just after we'd first met and how I thought "wohw that woman radiates beauty without even trying!" That's how it seemed, you shone in the everyday every bit as much as you shone on stage...a lot! Then seeing your work that first solo with Cristina and how much of an impact it had on me. I hope I didn't let shyness get the better of me when I told you about that one.
I will continue to marvel at your wonder, beauty and intelligence and miss the fluttery felling before coming to dance with you and the wonderful creatures who gather around.
I think of your warm smile and knowing eyes. I will miss getting to know you better. Rest well
x

Tanja was, by far, one of the best huggers EVER. I'm sure you all know that and I'm sure you'll all miss them as much as I will. She somehow managed to envelope herself around you and, in that five second embrace, you were reminded that life is a beautiful thing indeed. I also enjoyed the way she would glare at Sol when he pinched a cigarette from me, but would then sneak a few drags as soon as Sol was out of sight.

Schlafen sie gut schöne schmetterling!

Sol, stay strong my friend. For those times when life hits it's bleakest moments, there's a whole lot of us who promise to stay strong with you and for you!

xx much love xx

A piece of your heart

You get to know someone, experience them, fall in love with them in many capacities and they become an imprint in your heart.
If that someone you love dies they take that piece of your heart you gave so carefully then so very freely.
Tanja has taken with her that piece of my heart and in its place she has left a gift...
a piece of hers filled with her memory and her spirit. I cherish that piece. Through this I know she will never be far away. She has done this with everyone she met, from close friends to distant encounters. Through her I hold a piece of everyone she loved with me.
In her life she brought those she held close together and together we will remember her.
I will miss you Tanja and hold you in my heart forever.

Sol, my friend, you are truly remarkable! I love you so very much.
I know she is so proud of you right now.

To everyone...
Kia Kaha (be strong)
Aroha
Craig

INSPIRED

I was 15 and 2 weeks, i lived in the country and i got to see the city..... at night , quiet. Seated in a dark room wich wasnt a theatre ready to see a performance, seemed unusuall for the otherwise STRICTLY ballet watcher. It was Garry Stewarts "birdbrain" and the star to me was Tanja. I ran in to there "back stage area" (or black room) to immediately approach her and beg for her autograph..........I didnt need to. The second i entered the room a chubby 15 year old boy saw a beautiful, exquisite being running at me, i said 'can i have yo' , she said 'i love autographs!' among many lovely things she said to me that night, i was affected and changed by her performance.
Little did i know 4 years later i would be dancing Birdbrain and have a wonderfull connection,friendship, fantasia, and admiration for tanja for not the performer she is but the human i got to know, that everytime i saw her was felt more and more inspired to follow my dreams, and ambitions.
Now a note for tanja, where ever you are i know that you know we all love you and you are missed terribly. Your loss has left a mark, we will remember you always and you will be with us always.

Urgent- call for images

Ok folks,
I'm sorry to say we need any images you would like shown earlier than the deadline I gave you. I know many of you are overseas and asleep right now. If you are online when you wake up, send anything asap.

We do have plenty of fantastic and beautiful pictures of our angel lady, so dont worry its going to be fabulous, whatever imput we get from those who find out in time is just an added bonus.

All my love,
A

call for images

Dear Friends,

If any of you have special photos of Tan you would like to be included in a photo montage which will be running in the foyer of the Sydney Opera House on Monday, please forward them to

tanjarocks@yahoo.com

by 8pm Friday.

You can continue to send them after that but I cant be sure they will be in the mix.

With love and respect,
A

notes from an airport

sometimes.......

TANJA
occured to me as a God.

I never really allowed myself to believe she could love me. Because she seemed like a Great, so she must have been out of my reach. But she sent me kisses and I touched her long fingers.

Even with my fear between us she loved me.

She held me as fundamental in some of her brilliant work, and and she made me into more than I could comprehend. I knew her to be the biggest future contributor to international theatre alive, and I put all my hopes on her.

To me she was a God because I never had Faith like this before. Her creative genius was unquestionable to me. Her power and passion were unfathomable to me. Her penetrating goodness, her soul-spliting work ethic, her fast and tremendously flexible thought processes.

She demanded excellence and she walked as a demonstration of Greatness.

Our grief is endless but our transformation is perpetual. She is forever caught on this earth as our saviour. We are robbed and yet suspended in an anticipation so intense it is Bliss.

My Gracious Leader, I am obsessed with you for my duration. Your memory will lead me further than I think I can go at every turn.


and other times........
I know you are not God. i know you are a dag. i know you are hilarious. i know i love you when we are not at work.
i dont know how to approach this loss. if i dont worship you now, then you are just Tanny who went. I know thats what happened but that is not ok. I need you to be God to me.

we dance for you

Dear Tanja,
This morning we dance for you. Here in Syd we dedicate this mornings AusdanceNSW class to you and in honour of your generosity, spirit and resonant inspiration that has influenced so many. I'll play the music I know you loved whilst working with DV8 together. The dance class community has been touched by your creativity many times and many have texted to say they'll be there. Of course! "Ah, der!". You my friend are so loved. Emotions rise in me with without warning with the sudden loss of you and your magic, and when they do, I close my eyes, slow down to a stop, breathe and picture you and your smile. That smile that was always lifted into a gleam of sincerity from those cheekily vibrant eyes...tears flow from mine now, they dry, and whilst I feel my heart hurting I also feel it lifted to do something human, humane and life-affirming. You affirmed my life, I hope you know how many affirm yours now. This morning that same smile I will always remember will radiate among us all as a force of love as we dance for you. Rockin' for you this morning. Sending you love too from all participants I know are sending you love individually in bucket loads. Feel the love beautiful Tanja, feel the love you've created! Yesterday I found out that Back From Front was successful in being funded for its production. Such mixed emotions at such a time but I find happiness in thoughts this morning that we will now dedicate this work to you as we move through to its completion. The enormous contributions, ceative voice and encouragement you and Sol have made to this work in its first 2 development stages remain in the piece still and will be heard through us. This fills me with clarity and a soft commitment to ensuring that hope is written more into the work. Hope beyond the superficial. Hope as a back bone strength as we survive you but embrace your immense beauty forever. You resonate with us. I love you, Dean

Tanja really rocks

Thoughts

The Little Prince, Antoine De Saint-Exupery

"That will be so amusing! You will have five hundred million little bells, and I shall have five hundred million springs of fresh water ..." And he too said nothing more, because he was crying... "Here it is. Let me go on by myself."

Searching for meaning, searching for what could make sense ..................................... ????
'It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye' :

sounds like tanja

Tanja, I wrote this for you. You'd be the first to say to me: 'it's so melancholy and intense and that's good!' Dance with it, bathe in it, I have so many sounds and songs still to give you. With love and a musical hand to guide you, send you...

And Sol, my fabulous friend and creative comrade, these sounds are here for you too. In the silent spaces, let the notes ring out.

Jason

x

Welcome HOME my long legged lovely
the light in my life returns
see you at lunch
enjoy the spacious long hot shower
and think of me on your skin

love infinity ulli xx

Love You!

Tanja,

There are some people that I take for granted in this world but you were never one of those people. Whenever we spent time together I was always fully present because I knew that I was in the presence of someone truly unique and special. You were my friend, my mentor, and my inspiration. I can’t imagine how many hundreds of hours I have spent this year daydreaming about how wonderful next year was going to be for you, for us and for your audiences. All the research we had done together and talks and ideas were leading to something unbelievable and explosive!
But to stop myself from falling too deep I just have to think of how incredibly lucky and privileged I was to know you. Wow, I really stumbled on some good fortune . Thankyou thankyou Sol for bringing me into both of your lives it has been a true honour and so much fun!
It will take me some time to process just how much I have learnt from you Tanja about life, love, art, passion, work and everything else. I always thought you were crazy to believe in me the way you did but you did. You believed in me and listened to me and valued me and let me know it. Thankyou. You have filled me with confidence, passion and conviction and you have changed my life forever! I am mourning the loss of your future work, the loss of a mentor but most of all the loss of a friend. That crazy lanky woman that would come into my life, fill it with wonder and fly off to fill another! I love you and will love you always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Xxx Josh

this morning the last dream i had was of you
looking cheeky and georgeous
in jeans and a green top
eyeing me through a doorway

was a beautiful way to wake up

i thought it was only me who could see how pure and bold your spirit lived
i cherished that knowledge and kept it hidden like my favourite treasure
now i see everyone knew
everyone knew you
could see you
admired you
loved you
had secret crushes
was in awe of your brilliance
amazed by your ability and humility
your charm
your vision

late thus nite i rushed out of bed to my notebook with the answer
wrote furiously
made sense of everything
and slept

we are bound by your incredible life and presence
im trying not to get christ like
but you show the way
you live with constancy
ferocity
an open heart
you live in your work
you live

on friday every gesture made me think of you
everytime anyone did a movement with any lyracism
you were on the street
in the markets
in my wrist
in the light coming through an unwashed window

with love and constancy
always and for all
julian

to beautiful T

i'm sitting by a window, not even seeing the view
when a tall thin figure walks past me, it was beautiful you
you shared your name so did i, you hugged me straight away
you welcomed me to your friendship, whithout knowing me before that day
time past our meetings briefend, distance kept us apart
but every time i saw you, i saw me in your heart


on thursday the 16th at about 11.30pm, craig was going through our old photo albums when he found a photo of Tanja and i dancing in a night club in 2001, the happyness that rushed through me in seeing it again, and how much fun i had in her presence, every time we were together, thank you for being in my life and allowing me in yours...
my love goes out to all. malcolm xxx

Art and White Snow Boots

Dearest Tanja,
I remember vividly the first time I saw you. Returning from living o/s for a long time the current dance landscape was unknown to me, so I went to see this new ADT and there you were! You radiated beyond the theatre, you flew high, rolled like a demon, glided on gossamer, shone out with personality and pizazz in every fibre. Simply put 'stunning'. My choreographic gastronomy salivated to create a solo for you. I should not have hesitated to ask, I should not have feared.

I am so fortunate to have been able to get to know you just a little. Through the 'Ignition' seasons, witnessing your choreographic talent blossoming in Adelaide, dancing some C.I. together, catching up in London and swimming in the sea pool in Sydney, Sol walking you along the edge of the pool like an elegant trapeze artist, debating art making processes, the role of the director, chewing the grisly bits of philosophy about why we make what we make, and even why we make art at all. The silly song I made up about your red blow up bath cushion, those white snow ugg boots you adored and wore until they disintegrated, your fabulous earring collection. Sol and yourself dancing ballroom at Bryans birthday in that bar on Hindley street. A partnership to behold!

I am so fortunate.

I danced again on Sunday. I just had to go to the underscore. I danced with you in my heart, you were in the room, smiling, playful. I danced without hestiation, I must not put off, or delay, but follow your inspirational lead to dive in and get wet with life and living again. To dream your dance and dance your dream.

I picture you and all I can do is smile then my heart is heavy. Tanja you continue and will always be a huge inspiration, a huge big warm fuzzy in my heart.

Sol my heart bursts for you, Tanjas dear dear friends all over the world also.

Dear Tanjas family my deepest condolences, you must be terrific and amazing people also to have raised this wonderful person!! My family's hearts and thoughts are with you now and for the coming months. Please know she was much loved, thankyou for sharing her with us!

All our love
Helen Christian and Grace

my dancing petal

My dearest bella Tanja, I remember the first time we met - our mumas persuading us to 'hang out'... I was dreading it but you turned out to be pretty cool. Who knows if we'd still be mates if one of us hadn't passed our driving test but luckily the best drivers pass second time round. You in your white Polo, me in my brown Mini and the world in front of us.

I'm wearing the ring you gave me before you left for Oz. It's silver with a big heart. I'll treasure it always – you have the biggest heart of anyone I know and you'll always have a place in mine.

I've admired every inch of what you've done and achieved in your life. You're amazing. You're an inspiration. And I've loved every moment spent with you – you introduced, welcomed and educated me in your dancing world.

You and Sol have been my special dancing duo – soul mates forever. My heart goes out to you Sol. And to your family. You're loved by so many.

I'm so happy you shared my birthday with me and that we got drunk on tequila before you left town.... and thanks to you I've flown upside down in a plane!

There's so many fantastic memories – never to be forgotten. You will shine forever.

I miss you. I love you... and then some

your bud Rosie xxx

DREAM LOVER. I danced a duet in a developmental workshop with Tanja, in which we both recalled dreams and put together a movement phrase based upon those dreams. Then Tanja and I held hands and tried to recreate that choreography. We shared a very intimate connection through that process,and though I never told her what my dream was about, and vice versa, I felt amazingly bonded to her. I am honoured to have known Tanja, to have danced with her, and to have shared a drink with her. She will forever live on within and around me.

To my dear Tanja,
You are a luminous light.
You have touched so many peoples lives, I wish you knew that, because you have made a huge difference in this world, however large or small it may be.
You are my hero.
You inspire me everyday.
We have shared so many things together, only you and I will ever know these things, moments, special moments. I am so honoured and privileged to have known you.
I feel complete and full when I think of our friendship. I will hold you so close to my heart for as long as I live.
I will never forget your essence.
I realise now how much of you is in everything I do, think, say, love, hear, feel... every little thing reminds me of you and of something that you loved, said, shared or even didn't understand.
I feel like I am on my way to see you. To tell you that everything is going to be OK, like we always do. You have always supported me 100% in everything. Without you I know that I wouldn't be the person or dancer that I am today. You have guided me and I am proud to say that I have done the same for you. I know that because you have told me and I am so happy for that.
I have so many memories flooding through my head and being. I am afraid that I can't remember some, because there have been countless, and what if I forget more? I don't have the opportunity to remember with you anymore, like we would.
It's OK though, like I said, the essence of you remains and it fuels me.
God we had fun! You were so much fun!
When I am able to remove the selfishness of not being able to experience you in the flesh for myself, everything feels OK and calm. It's the people left behind that loved you, that suffer, not you. I don't feel so sad when I can grasp this concept. If everyone could feel this, it would be OK. I hope that it can be this way sometime soon, so that everyone who adored you can painlessly, just ADORE you again. It's a wonderful feeling..
You are so inspiring and you have lived an incredible life. You made it bigtime in every possible way.
I love you and I miss you!
Thank you.
All my love, feelings, energy, "eeewrrgh squeeze the puppy"
Your friend always
Kristina xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxooxox

Dear Tanja.....

EACH OF US CARRIES THE IMPRINT OF THE FRIEND MET
ALONG THE WAY; IN EACH THE TRACE OF EACH. FOR GOOD
OR EVIL IN WISDOM OR FOLLY EACH STAMPED BY EACH

text; To my friends, Primo Levi

Dear Tanja,

Wow!!! what a remarkable and extraordinary woman. such grace in movement like
that of a winged creature in flight. the leader of a flock guiding a global journey of adventure
and mischief with visionary light.
a goddess....one who transforms our earthly existence into heavenly delights of laughter and playfulness.
you're our superhero with whom we can call on to challenge our foes and fears, showing us strength and courage in the face of unbelievable adversity.
your creative artistry inspires the need for us all to look beyond what's in front of us and step further into our imagination.

but most importantly you are our daughter, our sister, an aunt, a friend who we cherish and love forever, for ever the nights grow long we rejoice when we see your light on the horizon.
my heart will forever be full of your warmth, love and friendship

mooma xxxx

awfulness

Always so curious, always seeking, always asking, always wondering how to know more, how to be more, that's one of the things she gave us, the way she breathed life in and constantly moved out into the world looking for more and just when more had come and found her she was gone.
A quiet glass of wine after seeing an awful show and talking seriously and importantly about why the show was awful and about how we had to really work hard and question everything and love what we did and not just do it and fend off awfulness with all our might. A serious artist, a real one.
Many tears all across the World for you Sol, Theo and family

a beautiful journey....

On Friday morning, I was in a yoga class. I couldn't have known why at that point, but my body was drained to exhaustion, and my head ached and I could not draw an ounce of energy from my depleted mind body and soul. Later in the day, I spoke with Lina, who spoke of her early morning jog and described to me the struggle to force herself through paces that usually flowed with uplifted ease. Tanja's golden light had left us and our hearts had fallen into an abyss. Her beautiful journey with all of us had ended.

Today I felt a ripple of energy return to me. I know Tanja wants me to use it. Today every breath that fills my body is beautiful and rich. Today I breath for Tanja. And each passing breath brings me closer to her. Today she is far away. But tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, as time passes, we are closer with every breath.

My love and energy to you all..
Antony

The loss of a guiding light

Dear Sol,Theo and Tanja's family and
dear friends,

These were Tanja's words to me shortly
after she received news of her appointment
to Sydney Dance..
"I am in London now, and very excited and
all my nervous system is going bananas!
I can hardly grasp what this all means...
Now it all begins...
I definitely look forward to chatting with
you when I return,(on 20 June) and for
sure I look forward to nurturing an open
and supportive relationship!!"


Not knowing her as well as many of you
who have written about her I can still
say, without hesitation, that Tanja made
an incredible impression on me. I was lucky
enough to see her perform with DV8 in Paris,
bump into her and Sol in New York and
see and chat to them both just two weeks
ago at Lucy Guerin's opening night.
The positive strength of their partnership
was tangible.

We (myself and Force Majeure) were keenly
looking forward to the contribution she
was about to make to the Sydney arts scene.
As she said.....it was all about to begin.

It's simply incomprehensible that this has
happened, particularly to one as full of
promise and talent as Tanja.
My thoughts and sympathy are with you Sol
and Tanja's family and friends.
I have had a long conversation with Lloyd
Newson who is totally devastated by the
news as is Gabriel Castillo.
She will be sorely missed for a very long
time and a generation of dancers have
lost a guiding light.
I send our love and symapthy,
Kate Champion and Force Majeure

TLKO

T.L.K.O not only our joint initials but also our fashion label which we called Tender Loving Knock Out! Just one of the many hilarious fun and exciting things Tanja and me did in that 9 fabulous months we spent in Dv8 together. The whole cast loved her so much, I remember once she fell over on stage and I waited for Lloyds reaction nervously at notes the next day. I can't remember his exact words but it was something about how stunningly she fell and how brilliantly she dealt with it. Thats Tanja!
I miss her so much and wish I had of gone to visit her after swimming last week instead of saying I needed some time with Tom and Jimmy. I wish so much.
Lastly my heart is forever broken and I wish i could give you a massive cuddle Sol. Tom and I are here for you if you need anything. Theo I never met you but Tanja spoke of you often. she loved you alot. Kurt and Gerlinder I am so sorry. she was amazing, and as a mother i struggle to know how you are coping. my love to you all.
well my sweet chookie from curling wands to whipped cream I love you always and your memory will always make me smile. KO.xxxxxxxxxx

Such a huge loss

Dear Sol, Theo, Tanja's friends and family,

My heart goes out to you at this enormous, shattering loss. The whole Australian dance world is in shock and everyone is sending love and hopes of strength and calm to you.

My personal memories of Tanja are as radiant as those which everyone seems to share. Such a beautiful, bright, inspiring person, who couldnt help but light up every room she stepped into.

I was lucky enough to witness Tanja's optimism and inspiration up close througout the process of her recruitment to Sydney Dance Company. From the first time she came over to talk about her thoughts of applying- sitting on my lounge room floor, with my wee boy pottering around her, making us both jumpy with excitement about her plans and ideas, to the graceful, calm, intelligent way she handled the media upon her first press outing and huge exposure. Tanja was always herself at every step along that difficult road and I was in awe of such composure and certainty of herself in one so young. An impressive person in every respect.

Sol, you were a rock throughout the process and your partnership was so true and clear and inspiring. I cannot imagine how you feel now and only hope you can be surrounded with the love you will be sure to receive from so many people.

I hope this blog can honour Tanja and that her light continues to shine on us all, as Theo said.

Sophie

Good bye Tanja

I was moving home about 6 weeks ago, and was packing up my flat and I found an old video of our final class at Rambert where we all dressed up and celebrated our final days at collage. It was great to watch and see all of us so happy, with out a care in the world, dancing.
It was sent to me from Tanja to where i was living in Cape Town. I was so happy to have it as we all had such happy memories from there.
As usual for me i never kept in contact.
Inside the video case was a wonderful, happy letter from her with her address on it in Australia. I was going to write to her recently, and hope that she was still living there.
I am so sorry that i never got to say hi again and catch up,
I am truly blessed to have known such a wonderful person, and shared such good times. Like when we went to her flat in London on a great summers day and had a picnic in the park, there were lots of us from Rambert doing cart wheels and playing.
I wish i got to know her again.
I send all my love to you Theo, and my thoughts and wishes go out to Tanja's family and friends.
It really is a crying shame.xxx

Dear, Tanja

Tanja, I still remember very clearly the first day we met at school. You spoke more than 3 languages , you were so original, unbelievably cool yet witty and funny, tall, slender and too charming to be true. In my life, just simply i never met person like you before.... As you were in room, that area seemed to become the hottest and coolest place..... I just admired that your charisma so much and just loved to be around!!
you touched and inspired so many people just being around!! You were like the sunshine, coolest sunshine..

Now you are gone and we will miss you...but I shall remember of you and what we did together(how much we laugh, cried, danced, talked, shopped and traveled)... you see, Tanja, I just a bit thought about you, you already start shining in me... you are with us

To her family , I send my deepest condolences and share many tears for Tanja

love
kio

I will never forget you....

Hey So i have never written on a blog before..... Wish it could have been about something else something that didn't mean so much but here goes ouch!!

So there is this magnificant YOGA teacher in Adelaide called Simi and we learnt this song which in one way was so daggy but so loaded and so wonderful...... When Tanja was leaving ADT on England tour we got her this yoga matt and all wrote on it and just before the show we stood around her and sang this song!! So it goes in a loud smiling voice,imagine many people,

"LISTEN LISTEN TO MY HEARTS SONG"
"LISTEN LISTEN TO MY HEARTS SONG"
"I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU"
"I WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU"

"LISTEN LISTEN TO MY HEARTS SONG"
"LISTEN LISTEN TO MY HEARTS SONG"
"I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU"
"I WILL NEVER FORSAKE YOU"

AND IT JUST KEEPS GOING................................................................................4 eva my heart and head

HUGE THOUGHTS TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE MY FELLOW TANJA FRIENDS!

We will always be thinking of you!!!!

I fell empty and shocked!!!!
Theo this is an amazing idea for all of us to be able to share our thought about a beautiful girl and beautiful dancer a beautiful person and most importantly a beautiful friend Tanya was to many of us and, especially, to those very very close friend she had across the world
My thoughts are with you Theo and of course her family!
All I can do, right now, is trying to celebrate what a great challenging and colorful life Tanya had!!!
Thinking of you!!!!! Elena

A loss for words

I don't really know what to say. Even though we only spent a year together at Rambert, you made such a strong impression on me. That smile coming around a corner was enough to brighen a gloomy London sky. In a year filled with so much talent, there was something special about you that told me you were going to "rock the world" in a different way.
I got the email from Eleanor and I lost my breath. Death is a strange thing that I still can't make sense of, except for the fact that I know it happens at some point.
The world will miss you, your talent and of course that beautiful smile.

To your Family, I send my deepest condolences. I will share many tears for Tanya.
Theo, my thoughts are with you. I think this is a wonderful thing to do for her.
Much love,
Warren

love to you Tanja

right now I can't find the words t odetail my feelings but I will when they become coherent.
my memory of Tanja is filled with nothing but quiet awe. I was touched and amazed by you so many times Tanja. I love you. you have touched so many and will no doubt continue to. this blog is an excellent idea Theo and over the coming weeks, as we all gain clarity and strength we will meet you here in cyber space Tanja to remind you, and one another of the countless good memories and inspiration you helped to ignite in us all. my deepest love and support to Sol and Tanja's parents as you move through this indescribably hard time - you are loved and embraced. til soon

For Tanja x

Today I bought the beautiful dress you had planned to wear to my wedding. I found myself telling the shop girl the whole story and she was so devastated but also honoured. I'm so sad you wont be there to see all our friends together. I cant really make it real this evening, writing seems to help although all words feel like naff films or bad song lyrics. over dinner, Ben and I listened to the tapes you made me when we were 16. we were able to laugh at your nerdy humour and english accent. I hope to play those to Sol at some point. how emmbarrasing!! so strange to think of us sitting at that same table with Lee less than a month ago. I'm so dying to know what your making of it all right now... the news bulletins, my calls with Gail Owen!!, the world wide response, my sitting up in bed convinced you were there sending messages to my mobile phone!! your dairy milk video. my ability to carry on shopping around Brighton with George like its a bloody normal day. He wished he had met you....you've touched people you've never even met! now thats talent!!
When I asked you for some sign last night as I lay awake, the room illuminated and my heart raced.... It was the hall light and the neighbour going to work.... too funny. but still I've decided to take that light as some reminder of your spirit. whenever there is a crack in the clouds, a glint on a glass, a special sunset or a blanket of stars, I will know you are there with me. I have to let myself have this. Your curiosity, generosity, wonder, determination, artistry, patience, impatience + fearlessness inspire me now more than ever. I feel pushed by you already to make my creative ideas manifest, to show my affection for those I love and to grasp my life by its balls, live the dream and have the adventure.
You knew me the best my goldest, my chookie (never knew how to spell that), my touchy Tanja, my Olive Oil, my very best friend. I just wish I could glimpse you as an old eccentric lady ......you would do it so well.
Lastly to say how proud I am of you. The big job! your loving gorgeous Sol. your jet setting life, your honest brilliant work, your wonderful wonderful friends and family.
We will all keep you so vivid in our minds and are hearts stretched wide. I miss those brilliant hugs.
As you wrote... Tanja, "I more than love you" x Theo